Early this morning

[Sir Charles]

So my Wife (JenniferSweetGirl)gets a call early this morning from her Mother saying that her Grandfather passed away last night. He was complaining about some bad chest pains last night so her Grandmother took him to the hospital. The Doctor's checked him out and said that there was nothing wrong and sent him home. Shorty after he got home last night...he passed away.

[Bluedragon436]

Aww man... I'm sorry to hear that... please give my sympathies to Jennifer... and know that mine and Sam's thoughts and prayers are with you guys!!!

[Sir Charles]

Thank you. I will let her know this.

[Bluedragon436]

I found these while looking for things for Sam after the loss of her father...

[Bluedragon436]

The Wish List

I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They lived and are important and I need to hear their name.

If I cry or get emotional when we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew it wasn't because you have hurt me; the fact that they have died has caused my tears. If you allow me to cry, I thank you. Crying and emotional outburts are healing.

I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again by removing from your home their pictures, artwork or other remembrances.

I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is over, or if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.
I wish you knew the death of a loved one is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to other losses.

Being a bereaved isn't contagious so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.

I wish you knew all these 'crazy' grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in 6 months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us.

I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses or be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.
Our loved one's birthday, the anniversary of their death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are thinking of our loved one on these days. And if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don't try to coerce us into being cheerful.

I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink or to a party, this is just a temporary crutch. The only way I can get through this grief is to experience it.
I wish you knew that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to 'get back to my old self' you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me .. maybe you'll still like me.

.... Author Unknown

[jennifersweetgirl]

Thanks James! This is the first death in my family since I was a really little girl and I never understood (even though I thought that I had) how bad it hurts. How hard it is and how much pain and guilt one feels for not calling enough, not being closer, or just flat out not being there. I found this and it REALLY hits it on the head. Today I am in the guilt stage. Don't know if it's because I am to tired to cry anymore or what. I never thought that one could be to tired just from crying but it's possible.

THE PHASES OF GRIEF
From My Son...My Son...A Guide to Healing After Death, Loss, or Suicide
By Iris Bolton
(Bolton Press, 1090 Crest Brook Lane, Roswell, GA 30075 - Phone: 770-645-1886.)
Used With Permission



There is no right or wrong way to grieve. All your feelings are normal. It is helpful, however, to know that human grief is a process that often follows a healing pattern.

Shock is the first stage. It is accompanied by disbelief and numbness.

Denial follows quickly, crying "I don't believe it," or "It can't be."

Bargaining is your promise that "I'll be so very good that maybe I can wake up and find that it isn't so. I'll do all the right things if only...."

Guilt is painful and hard to deal with. This is when one says over and over, "If only I had..." or "If only I had not..." This is a normal feeling and ultimately it may be solved by stating, "I'm a human being and I gave the best and worst of me to my friend (child, husband, etc...) and what he or she does with that is his or her responsibility.

Anger is another big factor which seems to be necessary in order to face the reality of life and then to get beyond it. We must all heal in our own ways. Anger is a natural stage through which we must pass. Your anger at your deceased loved one may even make you feel guilty, or it may be because your own life continues whereas your friend's life is over.

Depression is a stage of grief that comes and goes. Knowing this, be prepared to give yourself time to heal. Resignation is a late stage. It comes when finally you accept the truth.

Acceptance and hope! Understand that you will never be the same but your life can go on to find meaning and purpose.

[Bluedragon436]

Yeah my wife and I have had a few deaths in the family over the last two years.. and it has been hard on both of us... especially being here so we were nto around our loved ones much prior to their passing... that just made it even harder for us both... It is always hard for you to lose a loved one, no matter how old you are!!

[joshuaT]

So was it a heart attack? How did the doctors not catch it if it was? Sounds kind of odd for them to not see something wrong. You just don't hurt for no reason.

[jennifersweetgirl]

They ran all the test and they all came back normal. He has had heart problems for a really long time. He had a defibulator (sp) in and he was setting at the dining table with my Grandma and he felt it go off and he looked at my grandma and said, "This is it. I am going to die." and then leaned over and kissed her and told her that he loved her and then that was it. He knew for some reason. His defibulator has went off probably a million times since he had it in and he never said that before. He just knew. And to be honest that it what is eating at me the most. Is I can't stop wondering if he was scared and just didn't show it.

[Bluedragon436]

I am sure he was scared... With my father being a Hospice Chaplin, I have met many people who have been in that similar situation, as far as having a defibrillator in, and knew that they had lived a long life, and it was their time to go instead of dragging the rest of the family down... I had talked to a few of them while my father was talking with the rest of the family, and many of them said they were scared, but knew that it was their time and that they would be with God and not in pain anymore!!